He Broke My Cheating Heart...

I worked for a small construction company in 2006. I had frequent contact with lots of men day to day. I started hanging out with one of our subs, he was so easy to talk to. He was older than me but had a fun loving childlike personality. He had a great sense of humor and seemed to say all the perfectly flattering things I needed to hear. He was good looking, with a contagious laugh and a sexy smile. He had recently gotten divorced, had a young daughter and had his heart broken by his high school sweetheart who had also cheated. He knew I was married and didn't seem to mind at first. I was just the little office girl who had a huge crush on Scott. I think it boosted his confidence and gave us both something to look forward to during the work day. I started getting butterflies and caring what I looked like again.

The thing about work affairs is this, you spend more hours at work during the week than you do at home, with your family. You don't need to make excuses to see your lover. You don't need to try to manipulate the hours in your day. It's happening at work! Your spouse doesn't seem to suspect a work affair as quickly. Work is an eight or ten hour day you are alone to be who you really are. It doesn't take you away from the home or family. You may feel less guilty because you aren't neglecting anyone, until you are. Eventually you will be neglecting everyone and everything that was once important to you.

I would get up earlier than usual, take special care of how I looked. I even went to Victoria's Secret and got the sexiest underwear with matching bras, in hopes of being noticed. Mitch didn't see me, he was too busy with work. I don't think he ever considered the thought of me having an affair. Our youngest daughter was three and our oldest was eight. Mitch took me for granted. The discussion of his affair was off limits. I think he thought I was moving past it and things were really going to be ok.

Scott didn't initially pursue me, he was friendly, we had easy conversation. If I were completely honest here, I chased the shit out of him. He was my conquest and I wouldn't stop until I had him. Soon we were texting and calling all hours. I would make excuses to run out to his job site during the day, just to see him. I would stay late at the shop to see if he stopped by. I made myself 100% available to him, even putting myself in his path, unbeknownst to him.

Then finally, one afternoon he text me to meet him at one of our job sites. I beat him there, I stood in the middle of the building waiting for him. My heart racing, my makeup pristine. He arrived in his big gray pickup and I instantly knew we weren't going to be just co-working buddies.

From that afternoon on, we had lunch everyday and we would meet after work. I would stay out all night either going to his friends drinking or laying in his arms in his apartment. My life revolved around drinking and when I could see Scott next. I couldn't get enough of him. I would drive back home in the morning about 4:00 or 5:00 am to sleep an hour, change my clothes and get ready to go back to work. Doing it all over again a couple times a week. Dismissing anything Mitch had to say, I ignored him or was rude to him. He was a nuisance and I'm sure he felt it was because of his infidelity.

I would call Mitch when he was home and not on the road working, telling him it was his turn to go get the girls from daycare. That I had done it all these years while he was working. That I was going out with "work friends." When Mitch was on the road I"d have my grandma or brother babysit the girls. I was committed to Scott, all of me. I was so driven by this lust for him that I failed to see what I was neglecting at home. At first, I think Mitch may of suspected something. I wouldn't come home for dinner arriving later and later each night. Mitch would call or text asking where I was or what I was doing, I'd make up some lie about work or going out with work friends. No one wants to slow down their spouses career right? I mean I did give up everything for Mitch to travel all over while I was pregnant and having kids, he owed me this! The least he could do was do the same for me.

My boss and his wife saw what was happening. We had work events where I was so bold I'd invite Mitch. Only to tell him after an hour or so he could go home, that I'd be late. Scott was also at these events, at first he felt uncomfortable around my husband, but eventually he to got used to Mitch being the third wheel. Mitch and Scott would talk like old pals, we would all go out together on the weekend. I would even jump up in Scott's truck and ride with him while Mitch followed behind us in his own truck. I thought if I presented Scott as a friend from work I could see him more. Now I look back and think how completely selfish of me. I didn't consider what this was doing to Scott. I didn't ask if he wanted to be in this fucked up triangle. I was so arrogant I thought he'd be happy with whatever crumbs of time I gave him. I was driven purely by my desire to be wanted and loved. This relationship with Scott lasted nearly six months. My heart was committed to him. We had amazing drunken sex, he was passionate and my body was responsive to him.

I had zero respect for Mitch or our marriage. I felt entitled to this because of what he did to me. I hadn't healed, I hadn't come to terms with Mitch's betrayal. I think he knew what was happening but may have given me some time to be wild, hoping I'd come around.

The night before Thanksgiving, the biggest drinking night of the year, I got a call from Scott. I had tons of grocery shopping to do, I cooked the holiday meal for the entire family. Scott told me he was out and wanted me to stop by on my way to the grocery store. I agreed but said I couldn't stay long, I have all this stuff I had to do, it's already 8:00 pm. I told my husband I was going to run to the store and headed out. The bar Scott was at, was in between my house and the grocery store. I should've known I wouldn't be able to drag myself out of there. I was out all night, closed the bar down. Doing shots, dancing on the bar and openly kissed my boyfriend. I didn't care that anyone home for the holidays, at that bar, was also a witness that night.

When the bar closed, Scott and I got in my Mountaineer and headed to his friends house. Mike lived on a farm in the middle of nowhere and we were all heavily intoxicated. We hung out in his barn drinking and listening to music. It wasn't uncommon for Scott and I to spend time with his friends. They knew I was the married soccer mom in the mini van Scott was sleeping with. We took my SUV and went mudding in the corn field. I had never done anything that careless before. I was feeling like a new person. I didn't care that my cell phone had been buzzing all night with texts and missed calls. From both my mother and husband, concerned about why it was midnight and I still wasn't home. I ignored every single one.

I did make it to the grocery store and I got everything I needed for Thanksgiving dinner. At 6:00 am when I woke up I went out to my SUV in the garage, it was a wreck. I had no recollection as to how I actually bought groceries or got home. There were corn husks sticking out of the grill, there was mud from top to bottom. I was anxious and paranoid I'd be found out. Not because I gave a shit what Mitch thought, but because my parents were coming over. I hated being questioned by them, their disapproving looks always unnerved me. I drove to the car wash in town and removed the evidence of last nights shenanigans. Mitch never even questioned what time I got home, or where I had been when he had attempted calling me.

Mitch probably suspected, but didn't care enough to ask. He didn't like me questioning him so maybe he was leading by example. He never waited up for me, he never followed me around. Back then I assumed I was pretty sneaky and my husband was just ignorant. Now after the divorce, I don't think he knew what to do about my behavior. He knew he had initiated the madness with the discovery of his affair. I'm sure there were more than just Rose in Vegas he also felt guilty about. Once my relationship with Scott took hold of me, I didn't care anymore that Mitch had cheated on me. I wanted what I wanted giving no consideration to anyone else.

I recently read The Vow: A Memoir of a Marriage by Wendy Plump. She says logic has a place in infidelity. It is the manic, burned-down logic of a fugitive. When it forms the basis of each day, it becomes second nature. You can bend every responsibility to its purpose. When I read this line in her book, my head screamed YES! I DID THIS! I had to work in small increments of time. Today or tomorrow, but nothing further out. I couldn't plan a future with Scott or Mitch. I was coordinating work, mothering, wifing and being a girlfriend everyday. I was stretched as thin as I could go. Anyone on the outside would've suspected something. The excuses and lies came so easy to me and I had long forgotten what guilt felt like.

The affair ended swiftly, I didn't even know there was an ending coming. I had settled in my little triangle quite nicely, I had everyone where I wanted them, so I thought.

I hadn't realized Scott would go out without me, I thought we did everything together. One night when he asked if I could meet him I couldn't get away. I had to be at home with my daughters because Mitch was out of town. I was resentful of them for strapping me down, resentful of my husband for leaving the children with me to go to work. Scott went out anyway, I anxiously awaited a call or text that never came that night. The next day, he told me he had met someone, that he didn't think it was a good idea to see each other anymore, that I had to "work my shit out". And that was that, his decision had been made.

I was devastated, I felt completely blind sighted. He had said he loved me. I had told him I loved him. I hated Mitch for being married to me, for keeping me from happiness.

Anger was the only emotion I felt for months. I knew where the anger belonged it belonged to Mitch and his betrayal. I placed all of that anger on Scott and his ending things with me.

I found myself driving by his place, calling him for stupid reasons, texting him asking ridiculous questions about projects we were on. I was obsessed and had no one to talk to about it. I couldn't be consoled by my friends because most of them didn't know that I was having an affair. I was suffering two losses at the same time. I hadn't dealt with the affair or the questions that I still had about Mitch and that slutbag Rose. He wouldn't allow me to constantly drill him about if he actually had sex with her. I also was suffering the loss of my temporary escape in Scott and our affair. It was a whole lot I had to deal with all at once.

I suffered silently for almost as long as our affair lasted. We would run into each other at work or in town, I would be a complete bitch. As if he betrayed me in some way. Scott did try to remain friends, pleaded with me to stay in touch. I was vehemently against being anything but his lover, I couldn't see him with someone else. I loved him and wanted him to remain mine. Now I see he did nothing wrong, I was married, had no intention of leaving the house I had just built or the husband I shared that house with. Scott needed to find someone of his own. I had given him several months of fun and excitement, but it was time to try on a real relationship.

I still see Scott, we have mutual friends, he's still an amazingly funny guy. He has since married the girl he met when he was with me, had children with her, divorced her and is now married to someone else. By all rights, he seems happy and that makes me happy for him. That is a relationship I have never regretted. Once I made peace with him ending things with me, I didn't feel anger towards him. I started to understand he was single, I was not. He deserved happiness and someone who was proud to be with him. Not someone who kept him hidden from the world only sharing stolen moments. I think, being cheated on by his wife, always left him feeling guilty for what we were doing. Seeing my daughters reminded him of how he had lost his ideal family to infidelity. He had his reasons and I respect him for ending it.

We had some crazy nights together, drinking, dancing and up all night talking. He made me feel seen, important and beautiful. I hadn't felt that way since Mitch's affair. Scott was the kind of guy that grabbed both sides of your face when he kissed you. He was the kind of guy that would pick you up, set you on the counter in the heat of the moment. He was the kind of guy that would hear "Drops of Jupiter" or "She Will Be Loved" on the radio and say this is our song, or this song reminds me of you. Mitch didn't have a sentimental bone in him. I needed this kind of man in my life, who thought about me and expressed it when he did. I didn't have to ask if I looked good or if he missed me, he freely said it. All of this diminished Mitch in my eyes even more, why couldn't my own husband act like this towards me?

Under different circumstances, I think Scott and I would've been a great match. When we see each other we still share some great laughs. He's truly a great father and friend. I still get to see him about once or twice a year, the sexual undercurrents are no longer there. Occasionally one of us will mention our affair, we both agree we have no regrets. We mostly reminisce about all the crazy stuff we did almost twelve years ago. How much we both have changed, what all we've been through since. Scott was what I needed at that time. I'm so grateful for his friendship and kindness those months we spent together. He was always a gentleman who knows how to treat a lady.

I did go back to Scott several years later, for one night. I was in a bad place, hoping we could pick up our affair where it left off. I craved the attention he had always given me. We made love at his new house, talked for a bit and then I went home. He was recently divorced from Caroline, the girl he met the night he decided to end things with me. My children were older, I thought maybe I'd have time to really give it a go. We had both changed and I don't think it would've been as exciting this time. When we said goodbye we said we'd be in touch, we weren't. It just didn't feel the same, I didn't want to tarnish the memories of our old affair.

I treasure the laughs and the memories. When I see him now I don't feel like I lost something. He's the guy that loves a good time, he's easy going and sometimes drinks a little too much. The guy that seemed so much older and more mature than me. He taught me how to drink, how to enjoy the moment. He gave me back my self confidence, made me feel beautiful again. I don't regret a thing with Scott and I love him now as a dear old friend. There's not anything I wouldn't do for him if he called.

I never felt like he was the one who got away. He really was the one that led the way. Time just wasn't on our side.