Humble or Insecure?

I think in this day and age we don't know what humble is. Would you agree? I mean sure we can say OH they are so humble, they don't take credit for that. Or they are so humble they don't want recognition. But, is it really humble? I think with technology the way it is today, people are either conceited and self-centered or they're simply insecure. Humble has become a thing of the past, along with modest and gentlemanly.

Think about it. We want to instill self-confidence in our children to the point that we almost encourage their daily, even hourly selfie posts. We follow our kids snapchat, twitter and instagram accounts faithfully. Making sure we LOVE or LIKE their posts. Making sure Jazzmin or Jazzy as she probably nicknamed herself, feels confident and secure.

When I was a teenager back in the 90s my parents didn't have to tell me how amazing I was every day. I earned it, with sports, academics, music or whatever else I was into. I worked hard to gain recognition of my peers and my parents. What happened to that? I know it's an old conversation we've all heard it a million times, participation trophies? Parents say over and over how they are against, how it teaches entitled children who don't have to earn anything. Then I go to my youth soccer meeting and hear those same parents saying how "nice" it would be for the club to pay for medals for everyone. Noone wants Meggers to get hurt feelings right? WRONG! Hurt feelings builds strong adults. Encourages hard work. Stop making your children victims.

I'm getting off track here. Humble or just insecure? With the focus on making "secure" children at the forefront with suicide awareness in every school. A security guard on every school payroll. Who really has time to teach their children to be humble? Who remembers how to actually teach that? I have teen daughters, I'm guilty of pumping them up, I thought this was what parents full time job was. Stroking the egos of young tweens everywhere so they don't get dark and twisty.

The reason I bring this up is because I am married to an old fashioned guy. Doesn't believe in flirting with other women, honestly DOESN'T EVEN LOOK. Is considerate of my feelings. Never, ever, not once has he called me a bitch or anything derogatory for that matter. Holds open doors, carries anything heavy, does all the MAN chores at our house. I mean this guy is the type that southern dreams are made of. I live in Ohio so I really have no idea, but I would guess this would be a Southern Gentleman I have here.

On top of all of that, he's hard working, caring, sincere and strong as an ox. I just can't decide if he's humble or genuinely insecure.

He does this thing, this one thing that I absolutely despise. He speaks so negatively about himself and his capabilities. He says he's not good looking, he's not smart, he's lacking in just about every way possible. It not only pisses me off to hear this crap all the time, but it also makes me sad because I think he really truly believes this shit.

Tonight coming home from dinner he has a worried look on his face, I ask whats wrong? As usual, he's worried about work, fine we all worry about work. He worries about work to the point of actually saying out loud " I can't do it". I don't really know anyone that goes to work everyday believing that they can't do their job. My guy, everyday thinks he's going to fail at his job. This is super stressful for me because we own our own business. I believe in him and try real hard to talk him up, show him the positive, give him examples of his success and improvement. Nothing will convince him at 44 years old that he is valuable, that he is smart . Nothing.

The thing I think about often when this happens between us is who made you this fucked up? Who told you you couldn't do it, that you weren't smart. I have often believed that if someone told us something long enough you start to actually believe it, whether it's true or not. His mother, while I think she's an obnoxious twat, I'm sure wasn't a terrible mother. I see her with her grandchildren, she is for the most part kind, she's a moron and total fucking asshole to me, but kind to kids. His ex-wife talked shit to about anyone who would listen when they were married. I'd often hear her saying while holding their children "daddy can't be bothered to spend time with us, he's too busy at work". Well yeah bitch someone has to make money to make the house payment. Or she'd say "daddy can't be left alone with the kids because he just can't do it." Well funny there to, divorce forces dads to be left alone with their kids, no matter what the bitch control freak mother thinks. Ok off track again.

So what causes adult self-hatred and negative talk? How can I fix it? Honest questions because I really could use some answers here.