Domestic violence used for leverage in divorce, it's not just for women anymore.....

One night after a long night of partying with our friends I came home, got undressed, had sex with my lover and we both fell fast asleep naked. Mitch busted in at 4:00am, kicked the door in to my bedroom. Shining his cell phone light on me and yelling wakey wakey, you need to go, get out! Videoing the entire time. He wouldn't let me pass, I was groggy and still half drunk. He stepped in my way with the light in my face. He exposed me and was videoing. I made the mistake to let my pride and anger take over and punched him probably eight times in the face. He simply said "I got you now, you're going to lose everything." Then he left.

Mitch had called my parents directly and they were two states over out of town. It was late into the morning hours and he was screaming that he was going to ruin me. He was sending me to jail and I would learn my lesson. My dad tried to calmly tell him it would only hurt our kids, that they don't deserve this. That he would regret it.

We fell back asleep and were woken by a police officer standing at the foot of my bed shining and light and telling me to get up they needed to talk to me. It was probably 5:30am on a Sunday morning. I was then told I was being arrested for domestic violence and they were taking me to county jail. They put me in handcuffs and drove me for booking. This was the scariest moment in my life, I'd never been in trouble. I couldn't believe the father of my children was doing this, was acting like I beat him up unprovoked. I was crying and saying are you fucking kidding me, over and over. I just couldn't wrap my head around it. He had a video of me naked and provoking me and I was the one in the cop car.

When someone files domestic violence charges on you during a divorce proceeding two things happen. An immediate restraining order goes into effect and you are removed from the marital home. This means, you will not be able to get your children if they are with your spouse, EVER! You lose control of all assets within your home. All your belongings, anything of value is now subject to sale, theft, misplacement, whatever your spouse decides to do. Your life is out of control. If your divorce isn't filed your spouse also can go withdraw any funds in your joint account and take you off of it.

Lucky for me, Mitch was told how to do it, just not told how to handle things he didn't plan for. Our daughters were not home, they were with friends. I immediately got ahold of them calling collect from the jail pay phone, charging the cell bill Mitch paid. Had them delivered to my parents and met them there. I had no clothes, no car (mine was in the garage of the marital home I wasn't allowed to go to.) and all of my jewelry was still in the house. I was exhausted and so confused as to what the fuck was happening.

My parents, are very strong take charge kind of people. They told me to immediately get an attorney and file for divorce. I went to work on Monday and started to prepare for the fight of my life. Mitch did withdraw as much as he could from our account. I started doing stupid shit, paying bills over and over with the routing and checking account number. Letting the overdraft fees rack up, because it was now his responsibility. He started this war and I was fighting dirty. I blocked his number from both of the kids cell phones. I had people delete him from facebook so he couldn't see what was going on. I turned his cell phone off, I had passwords to stuff he couldn't even begin to get organized quick enough.

If you fuck with your wife in this manner to gain leverage and she's controlled every aspect of your marriage, she can and will probably destroy you. I found the meanest most aggressive bitch attorney I could find. I told everyone what he did to me and enlisted the help of all of our friends. I trashed him professionally, personally and as a person. I was enraged, I was devastated. I knew there would be no trust in this divorce and it was all or nothing. My goal was to destroy his life as he had just done to me.

Being a Sunday banks aren't open, you need $1000 cash to get bailed out or risk sitting in jail until your hearing. I wasn't doing that and my lover wasn't asking me to. He immediately went to his mother-in-law, yes that's right, his wifes mother. Asked her for the $1000 cash promising to give it back to her Monday. She asked no questions, met him and gave him the cash. I'm sure she didn't know it was to bail out his lover.

In the months to come I would file for divorce, pay a guardian ad litem to fight for custody of my girls and had all domestic violence charges dropped and sealed. The intent was for me to pay Mitch alimony, child support and all the household bills. While he had me removed and had hoped he'd have the girls in time so that the restraining order would take away the last thing I cared about. He failed! Everyone doesn't fail though, if this were a mom without a strong support system, with cashflow to help on the front end, things will go much much worse for you. I now always advise my friends who are considering divorce, move the spouse out or you move out.

Domestic violence is no joke, it's a felony, it's one of the only charges where you are considered guilty unless proven innocent. It is a tool used to gain leverage for the spouse who feels the most threatened. Be prepared when you are getting divorced and protect yourself against false accusations or being set up for something you have never done before. Know what your spouse is really capable of, because divorce brings out the worse in people. There is definitely a reason domestic violence is taken so seriously, people do need help when they're in a legitimate unsafe environment. It just happens that some divorce attorneys advise their client use this tactic to get what they want out of their proceedings.