Hey Dad "She Did It Without You!"

When dad quit showing up, he was the one who ultimately missed out.

My daughters were 17 and 13 when my ex husband and I went through a terrible divorce. They had grown up in what appeared to the outside world as a loving two parent home. My husband traveled a great deal for work so the amount of actual parenting he had to do was minimal at best.

The reason I'm bringing this up, he hasn't really had a relationship with the girls in the almost four years we've been apart. My oldest daughter just had her first baby and he was literally the last person to know. He was also the only person my daughter put on her do not admit list for visitors. As if he would really give her five minutes of his time.

She went into the hospital Monday with pre-eclampsia. Severely high blood pressure and a high heart rate. It was the most terrifying experience of my life. I stayed 72 hours in a hospital room tending to her needs until finally it was asked if she would consider a c-section. I have to hand it to her, she's one tough chick. She didn't cry a single time, no complaining, no dramatics, just a lot of steady breathing, trying to rest and prayers that our baby girl would come healthy.

When it was finally all over and I knew she was going to be ok and out of the hospital in a couple days, today being her day of release. I asked her if it would be ok if I let her dad know. She said that would be fine but she didn't want him coming to the hospital, but that I could give him the details about our babies birth. So I did.

I sent him some pictures and a text that simply said, here's her weight, her name her length, the status of our daughter. There were a million posts by family and friends on facebook, so I figured he had already found out she was in labor. Instead of doing the adult thing and texting or calling myself to see how everything was going or if she needed anything, he ignored the fact that she was in a potential life threatening situation along with that of his unborn granddaughter.

His response to my text " Thanks for finally letting me know." I simply sent a text back saying you know what, I asked if it would be ok to give you details, you were the ONLY person she requested not be allowed in her room, you were THE last person on my mind this week, your daughter is doing well, so YES YOU ARE WELCOME for FINALLY letting you know. He did not respond after that. Nor did he send his daughter a text.

Here's the thing about the parent who is NOT awarded custody. It IS work, you HAVE to try, it is YOUR job to make sure you maintain a relationship with your children. Its not your exes job to notify you of every single thing when you yourself have not made the effort. It will be very hard for my ex to reclaim his relationship with his daughters. I think once the divorce was final and he saw I wasn't destroyed by all that he had done to me, he had alot of regret.

Sometimes I am sad for my girls. They had this dad that performed as a dad when I gave him specific instructions when we were married. Or he went along for the ride because I, as his wife would say, let's go we're doing this as a family time to go get the Christmas Tree or time to go to the kids Spring Concert. Without that direction and force, I don't think he would've ever shown up. So much selfishness. I look back and wonder, why didn't I see this all long, why didn't I prepare myself for the potential abandonment of our daughters?

I am consistently disappointed with the person he has become after divorce. I've had to get past some of the things he's done to me which was hard. Getting past the things he's done to his daughters, even harder.

I'm sad that they have given up, I'm sad that he literally has put before them any pathetic jealous woman he has dated, and I'm sad for the eventual life he will live by himself when he is old and really needs help and family. It will be a lonely lonely life for him when it is coming to a close.

Our daughter is doing great, our granddaughter is beautiful and my wonderful current husband has stepped in as dad and grandpa just as he always does. With ease and grace and just the right amount of love and support. I am so thankful everyday for this family that I have. I can't imagine how lonely the holiday season would be without my children, grandchildren, husband and parents in my life. I used to WISH terrible things for my ex, now I just wish he didn't have to be so alone and messed up.