Mean Girls

Everyone has known one, been the victim of one or been one herself. Who knows why females have such a strong tendency towards being mean. Research suggests it's insecurity, control and sometimes the craving of attention from a bad home life. I know you've all heard the saying "The way people treat you is a statement about who they are, not a statement about you." I believe this is only partially true, girls are just bitches. They're mean and vindictive and honestly you're smart to be mean first so you don't suffer last.

Lets go back to thirteen year old me, who had just had a traumatic pregnancy and subsequent abortion. Girls feed off of others trauma, they love to humiliate and harass other girls, to the point of tears. I was not spared this treatment by any of the girls who disliked me for one reason or another. I was called a bitch and a whore in the hallway, I was pushed and shoved, remarks were often made about the "baby killer" that I was. I ignored those bitches like they didn't exist, I looked right through them, walked and looked straight ahead. I decided in those instances I would never show weakness, I would not be a victim and I sure as hell would never let my parents know the things that were being said about me. They had already suffered the humiliation of having such a disappointment for a daughter. The entire rest of my Freshman year of high school I silently suffered, cried in the shower and felt a hollow ache in my gut. The single thing that got me through was something my mother had once told me when I was about ten or eleven. She said honey if someone is talking about you today, you're giving someone else a break, you'll get your break tomorrow. I repeated that like a mantra hoping that someday soon would be my break, if I could just survive this school year.

Through all of this Mitch and I never really discussed me getting pregnant by a guy I dumped him for. He seemed grateful to have me back. I would later find out under the surface he had been damaged as well by my behavior and subsequent gossip that surrounded me wherever I went. He would later say things about me "cheating on him" in high school, or getting knocked up by that older guy. These feelings he had were valid, so I never really defended myself. I had gotten used to blocking it all out. That year of my life I acted as if it never happened. Even when he was screaming in my face as a grown man about what a whore I was even way back then. I should've recognized the signs that maybe this wasn't a good relationship to be in.

Sophomore year came and so did winter. I had heard rumor of another girl asking people if they thought I was prettier than her, did they think Mitch would break up with me for her? I was so naive and stupid I told him what was being asked and by who. He reassured me as young men do, I had nothing to worry about.

A month or so passed and that’s when I heard they were sleeping together. He hadn’t broken up with me, still spoke to me often as if we were still dating. She walked around with a smirk on her face holding his hand as they would come to our SHARED locker. He pretended I was invisible in those moments he got her attention. I would ask to talk, for an explanation and he would always say later and never really ended it with me. I eventually couldn’t stop myself from confronting HER, I was going to beat the living shit out of her. That landed me in the principles office, alone, with Hailey. The only thing I remember very clearly about that pathetic conversation Is 1. She asked if we could BOTH date him and 2. She said no one has ever opened a door for her.

Twenty five years later, marriages, divorces and children, that same girl and I are best friends. She got me through my divorce. She was my champion. The girl who said “do you want him back”. My reply was always no and she always said then why you upset? I couldn’t of survived that year long, terrible divorce, without her. We really have him to thank for it. When we split up finally, he reached out to her on Facebook, she declined. We met for drinks, discussed how everyone had always thought we were exactly the same and discovered we really are. I regret missing years of friendship with this crazy girl who thought Mitch was also the guy for her. However, I’m so thankful for the years I’ve gained full of hilarious shenanigans, drunken nights and countless sleepovers listening to her sex mix tape from the couch downstairs.

I look back now and there were so many times that I should've walked away from him. Had some confidence and dignity and told that loser sixteen year old ass to go pound salt. But I didn't. I begged and pleaded and asked why he wasn't choosing me. Why he wasn't choosing us! I was heart sick and heart broken. I stopped eating, started losing weight, listened to gloomy sad music all the time and eventually my parents caught on. Grown up me also thinks, where was my best friend Haley's self confidence? Why was she ok to "share" him or date him as well as allow me to date him? Why are teenage girls so insecure that their self worth suffers more than anything through high school. Having daughters now, I try to teach them, NOTHING and I mean nothing is more valuable than your own worth. And I think this chapter of my life is why.

Fourteen year old me however, not so smart. I had decided I would get revenge on Haley for all the heartache I believed SHE caused. I wanted HER to suffer and I wanted to ruin HER life. I found out she had a wealthy boyfriend in a neighboring school and it took me about five minutes to ruin that relationship.

I had my brother act like Mitch on the phone, call Jason and tell him he was sleeping with his girlfriend. In response to this news, Jason drove to Mitch's house, beat him up and damaged his pickup by throwing rocks at and keying it. I was certain his cheating was over,that he had learned a lesson, lets remember I was fourteen. Like I've said before Cheaters don't change!